Unpacking Trauma: A Gentle Exploration

A gentle look at how trauma can show up, and why you deserve support no matter what shape it takes.

The word trauma carries weight, and rightfully so. But sometimes that weight can make the concept feel inaccessible, dramatic, or even out of reach. I’ve noticed that people often hesitate to identify with the word, unsure if what they’ve experienced “counts.” In reality, trauma isn’t defined solely by one event or by its perceived severity. It’s about how something made you feel, how it impacted your sense of safety, shaped your ability to cope, and left an imprint on your emotional world.

I hear it often in therapy, and I see it increasingly mentioned in conversations between friends or in the media. That’s partly why I wanted to write this post. While awareness is growing, misunderstanding is still common. The word itself can be thrown around casually, but for many people, trauma is something they carry quietly. Especially if it doesn’t look like what they’ve seen portrayed, or if they’ve spent years telling themselves it wasn’t “bad enough.”

What Actually Is Trauma?

At its core, trauma is an experience that overwhelms your ability to cope. It often leaves you feeling unsafe, whether physically, emotionally or psychologically, and that feeling can linger long after the experience has passed. Trauma can stem from a single event, like a car accident or a sudden loss, but it can also come from long-term exposure to distress, such as emotional neglect, bullying or growing up in an unpredictable home.

It’s important to remember that trauma is not defined by the event, but by its impact. Two people can live through the same moment and walk away with very different responses. That’s because trauma is subjective. It’s shaped by a wide range of factors, including your attachment style, personality, history, environment and support systems, as well as the age you were when it happened and whether you had space to process it safely.

Of Course Small Things Can Be Traumatic

I often hear clients say things like “it wasn’t that bad” or “other people have it worse.” But your nervous system doesn’t measure pain by comparison. It responds to your experience.

A seemingly small event, like being consistently dismissed or ignored, can create the same sense of threat in your body as something more obviously distressing. Especially if it happened in a vulnerable moment, or repeated over time. If something caused you deep sadness, stress or a loss of safety, then your response matters. It is valid. And it deserves care.

How Trauma Might Show Up Day to Day

Trauma can make itself known in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. For some, it leads to anxious thoughts and behaviours, such as shutting down emotionally, avoiding certain topics or becoming hyperaware of others’ moods. For others, it may show up physically: insomnia, tension, fatigue or feeling “on edge” even when there’s no immediate threat. This is because trauma lives in the nervous system. Your body may have learned to stay alert, long after the danger has passed.

Some people become highly functional despite their trauma, holding down jobs, maintaining relationships, and staying productive. But this doesn’t mean the trauma isn’t there. High-functioning distress is still distress. If you feel anxious, flat, overwhelmed or disconnected and you don’t know why, there’s a chance your body is still carrying something that hasn’t yet been named.

Why Is It So Hard to Say Out Loud?

Many of my clients don’t come to therapy saying “I have trauma.” Instead, they come with symptoms, exhaustion, overthinking, relationship struggles, difficulty sleeping and the root reveals itself slowly. Sometimes they orbit around the topic, mentioning it briefly before pulling away. Others hold it back for a long time, unsure how to bring it up. Some people speak about it in such an effortless way that it seems like it no longer affects them, until emotion begins to surface weeks later.

When trauma is accompanied by embarrassment, guilt or confusion, it can feel especially hard to speak about. In those moments, I try to approach the topic with care. Rather than asking “why are you ashamed,” I might ask, “why might someone feel embarrassed about that?” This creates a little distance, allowing clients to gently explore their own experience without judgement.

As I explored in a recent blog post, Approaching the Unapproachable, therapy works best when we go gently. There’s no rush. Sometimes even naming the thing, not in full detail, but just enough to acknowledge it, can be the start of healing.

What Does It Mean to Heal From Trauma?

Living with trauma looks different for everyone. For some, it’s about finding language for something they’ve never said out loud. For others, it’s learning to believe it wasn’t their fault. Sometimes, just knowing that someone else wants to carry it with you, even for one session, brings a sense of relief. Therapy does not always offer immediate solutions, but it does offer companionship, care and space.

Healing is not about forgetting what happened. It’s about reducing the hold it has on you. It’s about creating enough safety in your body and mind that you no longer feel stuck in survival mode. And it’s about learning how to treat yourself with the kind of compassion you might so easily extend to others.

To the Person Who Isn’t Sure If They Have Trauma

If you’ve ever wondered whether your experience counts, it does. If you’ve found yourself minimising your pain because someone else had it worse, your pain is still real. If you’ve been silently suffering, unsure of where to place your story, you are not alone.

The size of the trauma does not define your right to support. What matters is how it lives in you. And if it’s something you’re carrying, you don’t have to carry it alone.

Thinking About Starting Therapy?

If something in this reflection resonated with you, and you are wondering what it might feel like to bring your own story into the room, you are warmly invited to get in touch. We can start with an assessment session, a gentle space to explore what support might look like. You do not need to have the answers before you begin. Just the willingness to start somewhere.

You can also follow along on Instagram or TikTok at @acerbistherapy for regular motivation, weekly reminders when new blogs are posted, and a space to ask questions or suggest topics you’d like to see covered. You don’t have to do this work alone, and you’re always welcome in the conversation.