Therapist and Client: What I've Learnt from Both Sides of the Room

A reflection on how lived experience can shape therapeutic presence

Starting Therapy for the First Time

My first experience of therapy came during a formative time in my life. I was navigating the usual pressures of adolescence alongside an evolving awareness of my own mental health, and I remember feeling overwhelmed, like I was supposed to know how to manage it all but didn’t.

The idea of beginning therapy felt daunting. I was unsure of what it would be like to sit in a room with someone I didn’t know and talk about the things I hadn’t even fully made sense of myself. But something shifted once I started. Therapy didn’t provide all the answers immediately, but it gave me the sense that I didn’t have to carry it all on my own.

One of my biggest fears was that I wouldn’t find a therapist I connected with. I was fortunate in that I did, but I know that is not always the case for everyone. And truthfully, why would it be? Therapy is deeply personal. You are not just choosing a professional. You are looking for someone you feel safe with. That takes time. The right fit matters, and it is okay to explore that carefully.

The Power of Feeling Seen

Looking back, the way my therapist approached our work had a significant impact on me. From the beginning, I felt seen, genuinely. She didn’t assume or rush to conclusions. When something I said wasn’t fully clear, she simply asked me to elaborate.

It may seem like a small thing, but it taught me something powerful: people who genuinely want to support you will take the time to understand you. They will not guess or fill in the blanks. They will meet you with curiosity and care.

That has stayed with me. As a therapist, I carry that lesson into my own practice. Not needing to know everything, but instead creating a space where understanding can grow collaboratively. It is not about having the right answers. It is about having the right intention and being present enough to ask the right questions.

Learning to Sit with Silence

As a client, I found silence in the therapy room really difficult. It often felt uncomfortable, like something I needed to escape from or fill quickly. I think my therapist picked up on that, but she didn’t rush in to make it easier. Instead, she gently allowed the silence to remain, and in time, I came to understand why.

Silence in therapy is different. It is not about awkwardness or disconnection. It is about space. The kind of space that allows thoughts to settle, feelings to surface, and self-awareness to develop. It is a space where you don’t need to respond immediately, and where you can listen to yourself before needing to explain anything to someone else.

Now, as a therapist myself, I understand the value of that kind of space. I do not use silence to create distance. I use it to hold room for what has not yet been said. And for many clients, that can become one of the safest and most meaningful parts of the process.

How Being a Client Informs My Work

Having experienced therapy from the other side of the room has influenced my work in ways I continue to reflect on. It has helped me hold space for clients in a more fluid and intuitive way, especially when sessions feel emotionally full or thoughts move quickly.

There is no right way to be a client. Some people are very verbal. Others process things more internally. Some sessions feel structured. Others feel scattered. I have experienced a wide range of what that can look and feel like in therapy, and it has allowed me to hold space without needing to redirect or control the process.

Therapy does not always need to follow a perfect structure. Sometimes the most meaningful sessions are the ones that unfold organically. I have learnt how to be with clients in that messiness, without needing to neaten it up, and without rushing to make sense of it too soon.

Therapists Are Human

Clients sometimes wonder about the inner lives of their therapists. It is easy to assume that because we are trained to support others, we must have everything figured out ourselves. But therapy is not about being the expert on someone else’s life. It is about being able to sit alongside someone in theirs.

I don’t often share my own therapeutic journey with clients. When I do, it is only if it feels meaningfully relevant to the work we are doing. But what I have come to believe is that you don’t have to say it out loud to convey that you have done the work.

Clients often sense it in the way you listen, how you respond, and how you sit with them in difficult moments. Being a therapist who has also done personal therapeutic work means that I do not need to prove I understand. I simply try to embody it through presence, empathy and care.

Therapists are human. And often, clients feel that not because they are told, but because they are genuinely seen and heard.

If You Are Nervous About Starting Therapy

Feeling nervous about therapy is completely normal. In fact, I would be surprised if you weren’t. You are considering opening up about thoughts and feelings that might be deeply personal or painful, and doing so with someone you have never met before.

But I want to say this: choosing to begin therapy is an act of strength. It takes courage to face things that are difficult. And while therapy can bring up challenges, it is also a space for relief, growth and self-connection.

We will go at your pace. We do not need to solve everything all at once. Sometimes the most powerful step is the first one, and I will be here to support you through each one that follows.

Final Thoughts

Being a therapist who has also spent time in the client’s seat does not define how I work, but it deepens it. It has given me a more nuanced understanding of what it means to hold space for another person. It has helped me develop compassion, not just in theory, but in practice.

Most importantly, it reminds me that therapy is a deeply human process. It is not about fixing someone. It is about walking alongside them as they find their own way forward.

Thinking About Therapy?

If you are considering starting therapy, or returning to it after some time away, you are welcome to reach out. Whether you are certain about what you want to explore or just beginning to reflect on it, there is space for you here.

Feel free to get in touch to book a consultation or ask any questions you may have. You do not need to have it all figured out to begin.