Approaching the Unapproachable

A reflection on the topics we carry quietly, and how therapy can help us bring them to light

The Things We Do Not Say at First

In my work as both a therapist and someone who has been a client, I have noticed a quiet but powerful theme. Many of us carry something that feels unapproachable. The thing we have never said out loud. The thing that makes our stomach drop when we think about naming it. The guilt-soaked memory, the unspeakable moment, the experience that feels too tangled or shameful to bring into the room.

Often, it is not that we do not want to talk about it. It is that we are not sure how. These topics are often surrounded by emotional noise: fear, shame, confusion or a misplaced sense of responsibility. It is not uncommon to feel as though you are the only one holding something so heavy, or to believe that speaking it aloud will somehow make it worse.

But the truth is, many people carry something that frightens them. You are not broken or strange for holding something quietly until it feels safe enough to share.

Why It Feels So Difficult to Begin

There is often a deep emotional attachment to these unspoken parts. That attachment might come from trauma, or from misunderstanding or guilt. Either way, the feelings are real and can make these topics feel impossible to touch.

As a therapist, I do not expect clients to dive in headfirst. I often talk about baby steps, and the value of going gently. Our thoughts can be messy, layered and overwhelming, especially when we are trying to process something difficult. A slow and fragile approach can be more supportive than trying to face it all at once. Trauma leaves a scar for a reason. Rushing in too quickly can sometimes do more harm than good. My role is to walk alongside my clients and help hold the weight of what they bring.

Noticing When Something Feels Too Big to Name

When something feels unapproachable, it often shows up in small and varied ways. Some clients will mention it briefly before changing the subject. Others will talk around it, describing its effects without directly naming it. Some may not bring it up at all, but I will notice subtle shifts in body language or tone when we get close to it.

There is no single way this looks. Every person is different, and every nervous system has its own way of protecting itself. My job is not to dig or push, but to create the kind of environment where something that once felt impossible to say might begin to feel possible.

Creating a Safe Way In

A few months ago, I was working with a client who had experienced a resurfacing of past trauma. She had been carrying the impact of this experience for most of her adult life, but I could sense she felt unsure about how to speak about it. Rather than try to find the right words for her, I gently asked, “If this trauma were a book, what would you name it?”

That simple question shifted something. It allowed her to relate to the memory in a new way. The immediate emotions took a step back, and she was able to access something clearer. This makes sense. When you are asked how you feel about something painful, it can be hard to find the words. But when you imagine the same thing happening to a friend, the emotional fog lifts slightly and your perspective softens.

Sometimes, we need a different angle. Not to avoid the pain, but to find our way in more gently.

Letting It Come in Its Own Time

There is often pressure to talk about the hardest thing straight away. Clients sometimes feel this pressure themselves, especially if they know what brought them to therapy in the first place. But I believe the work unfolds best when we let it take shape over time.

Every time I sit with someone, I hold the belief that nothing they share will be met with judgement. It is not my place to judge, and it is not part of the work. What matters most is that you feel the session belongs to you. You can bring whatever you need to bring, whenever you feel ready to. And I will be right there with you when you do.

What If You Feel Stuck?

It is very common to reach a point in therapy where you feel stuck. Sometimes that stuck feeling is not a barrier, but a message. It may be asking you to pause and reflect on how far you have come. Therapy, especially when it touches on trauma, can be emotionally intense. If you never stop to ground, nurture and process along the way, you may end up feeling as though progress has stalled.

In those moments, I like to bring in grounding techniques such as breath work, tapping or other calming tools. Every client is different, so it takes time to figure out what works for each person. But these practices help regulate the nervous system, which is often exactly what is needed when difficult emotions arise.

Patience Is Part of the Process

No matter what you are working through in therapy, patience is essential. Especially when approaching the things that feel unapproachable. There is no need to rush. Everything meaningful in this work takes time, care and compassion.

If you are holding something you have never said out loud, I want to gently remind you that there is space for it. You do not have to be ready straight away. You do not have to explain it perfectly. You just have to begin, in whatever way feels most possible.

Thinking About Starting Therapy?

If something in this post resonated with you and you are wondering what it might feel like to bring your own story into the room, you are warmly invited to reach out. We can begin with an assessment session, a gentle space to see how it feels to sit together and explore what support could look like. You do not need to have the words or the answers to begin. Just a sense that you are ready to start somewhere.